this is an apology for everyone who i've met in chat. i just left there so frustrated and feeling pretty low of myself. i've always had a problem with anger...and as a result i've been alone for most of my life. yes, even after coming to know Jesus...i've felt so inadequate of His love and grace. never could make the grade ya know. i realize that a lot of my anger comes from being "put down" and/or rejected. that's how i'm feeling now...rejected. oh sure i realize that people can talk to whoever they like and ignore anyone else...but that just don't make sense to me here...if anything,.. i would think the annonymity would be a plus. i know i'm probably overreacting, and as someone once told me...well, your just not getting a reply, don't think that means they ignore you. that confused me. i've been involved with clickish christians before and it never turned out well, and that's on me. not them. i don't know, maybe this worthy site is only for christians who are in good standing with God or something. or just maybe it's that i feel i opened my mouth one too many times.
i've met a few very wonderful christians in the chat room...and it's those times that i should be remembering now...thinking of the good things. but i'm so angry and so alone now that even that dosen't seem to get me out of this.
before i came here i was involved with another program that deals with addictions...specifically the alcohol. and you know...i found the same thing there...i could never measure up to most everyone i met. i was always lacking. i would leave those meetings before they ended most of the time...they would talk of love and tolerance but that's really all it was....just talk unless you were in the click. then everything was aok. like i said...i'm not much of a clickish type person...maybe i am and don't even know it...
you know, if it was something i said that offended someone...i would wish they would of just told me...then we could of sorted that out...i guess...with how the chat works....it could simply be easier not to say anything and sort of let it just ride...that's pretty much what i've done in my personal life...just let it ride.
at this moment i really don't know if i'll be back...well yeahh i will later tongiht. i told someone that if they wanted to talk...i'd sure sit down with them and share a bit of what i've learned in the past couple months...concerning adddiction. oh well, i'm probably not the right person to do that but i'll be there as promised.
i read proverbs 10 and james 3 this morning...i had hoped to talk about what i read with someone earlier this morning on the chatroom, even the moderater of the room was too busy doing something else...looking back now...i wish i would of read something else...
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